See also notes in other folders, and at top of chapters.

Fix the chapters where Wyatt visits Ada in K.C. -- the first 
chapter's now standalone, and the following ones don't fit with it.


Ada is prescribed tranquilizers for sleep after being hospitalized
(Melody gone, Ada breaks down). She refuses to take them.
 
Make sure that Clover's comments about her sister are retained -
e.g., the comment that she attended the parties, to charm the men;
that she could have been Latina, except for the blond hair (big 
earrings, makeup, big ruffled skirts, etc.)

 
The first chapter, an extremely brief intro., will be signed by 
Clover and Gabriel, and simply say that this is their remembrance
of their mother. (The purpose is to set up the chapters that
are written in first person.) It will say something along the lines 
of: "This is our remembrance of our mother, and the people 
she loved. It's based on the stories she told us, and our 
father's journals, and our own memories. We hope it's true.
-- Clover and Gabriel."... Then add this to the index.


Find the stuff about Ada following Melody around and pointing out and correcting all
her mistakes, and put it into the birthday chapter - split between a passing reference
in the early part of the chapter (when talking about Ada and Melody fighting), and 
some dialogue in the bedroom, when M. is complaining about her mother to P.

Wyatt, when packing and Ada asks him what he's doing:
"I'm leaving."
"Why?"
"I won't watch you destroy yourself. I love you too much.
            If you're going to do that, you'll have to do it without me."
 
Ada's speech pattern at the beginning of the book is much more 
complex than it is later.
 
In chapter where Wyatt dies, the ladder is lying in the yard and the 
lights in the house are off - they blew when the ladder hit the power line.

Make the changes to the first chapter that I noted in longhand at the conference.

When Wyatt dies, he sees the ladder falling forward onto the power line 
and smiles at himself for not thinking of the possibility ahead of time, 
and for not leaving room for error.

Fix all single hyphens to be double hyphens, where not an actual dash.

Ada's desperation to get out of Monteverde, and her guilt for feeling this way.
 
Wyatt's death: cutting a limb, with the ladder resting on the limb.
When the limb springs up because it is lighter, the ladder has no
support, and falls forward onto the power line.
 

The kitchen chapter (nursing, and Melody's death) are the chapter 
in which the sisters are finally reconciled. Ada doesn't appear until 
after Melody's dead. Ada has gone over to the school to clear up some
details before the grades go out, or to clear out her desk because she
isn't teaching the summer session. Clover tries to call her there, but 
there's no one on the switchboard. She has to walk over with Zack 
and tell her mother the bad news.

Need to make clearer Ada's desperate need to get out of Monteverde at start of book

Need to make clear the movement from the individual to the family 
and then back to the individual family members at the end (esp. Clover and Zack,
but to a lesser extent Gabe as well)


Ada's characteristics:
	wonder
	fear of abandonment
	alienation
	openness
	wonder
	gentleness
	honesty

All Gabriel's chapters should have the abbreviated quality of the new 
chapter in which he meets Julia.

To establish the reader's dislike for Owen, and plant the idea 
that he's kinky and violent, give him a collection of hardcore sadistic videos.
Ada finds them, looks at the titles, and puts them away.
Or maybe she walks in on him, when he's watching them.
However, this presents a problem of chronology - this is the 70s, before videos.
So maybe a collection of photographs.
Her reaction has to be believable. This can't be treated too lightly.
It might be a flashback, instead of a scene.
There aren't many places it can fit - the Easter scene in the park, 
the infidelity (Gina) chapter. Anywhere else?
Maybe I can restore the chapter where he has sex with Cheryl, too.


At some point Ada (or someone) has to look at Clover and see the circles 
under her eyes, and her defeated shoulders, and wonder "Where did her 
joy go? She's always been so joyous."


Melody and Ada meet at Clover's house in Berkeley (while she 
is still married to Samuel). Samuel answers the door - he was 
just leaving as Ada arrives, and they say hello (they met at the 
wedding), and he says her girls are in the kitchen. He smiles 
kindly at her.


Ada is looking for checks in Owen's desk when she finds the s/m & bondage 
photos. Something about them makes her think they've been taken recently, 
maybe by Owen (is Gina in them? does the woman look like Gina, but Ada 
can't be sure, because her face is obscured by a mask? -- can establish 
this by referring to the roundness of her flesh, her olive skin and 
dark hair).


In the kitchen chapter, Clover offers to buy her sister a new car ("I'm loaded; 
I don't mind"), but Melody thanks her and turns down the offer. Clover hates 
the crappy old rattletrap VW bug her sister drives -- she worries that it 
will break down, and that Melody can't afford the constant repairs. Then, 
of course, right after that, M. is hit head on by a pickup track on one of 
the blind hills on 15th street, and killed.


Either Buzz's son, or Chick's son, has always been in love with Melody.
Therefore, need to give Buzz and Chick and their boys more prominence.
B & C are in Wyatt's local band, and play the local clubs with him for fun.
The boys and Gabriel play with them, when old enough (and in places 
where no alcohol is served). The son - call him Jay - moves to Eudora when 
he graduates from high school. He's a fireman and part-time construction
worker. When he hears that Melody's come home, he visits her and courts
her. She's reluctant, and refuses to listen until she gets her degree, but 
he persists, and then he takes her into a jewellry store and finds out her 
ring size. There's a party at his house that weekend. When she's leaving,
she tells Ada that he's going to ask the question, and when Ada asks 
what she'll say, she says, "Yes", and admits that she's very happy. She
doesn't exactly love him, but she knows him and admires him and enjoys
him and is compatible with him (they want the same things), and knows 
he'll be a good father and husband - "and the s*x is fantastic, too". Her 
mother is glad for her. Melody takes her headphones, since the radio 
in her car isn't working. Her mother's last words are, "Don't play those 
too loud. They'll ruin your hearing.", and M. says, "Oh, Mom." So she 
doesn't hear the train, and the gate isn't working, and she's killed. Ada
gets the call, and goes to see, and when she gets home, there's another
call from Jay... 


When Ada tries to track down Melody, she gets a cell phone, 
but she has a lot of trouble using it - even answering it, but much 
more with things like voice mail. Wyatt has to help.
 
Need to establish M's unhappiness before the chapter in which 
she runs away. Can refer to it in passing - bags under her eyes,
grades even worse than usual, sullenness, etc.
 
See the notes from searching for Colin when he ran away.
 
 
Ada's journey: from innocent and naïve to - not worldly, but 
more perceptive about the truth of the world


In the chapter in which Wyatt dies, Ada comes home from 
the grocery store and calls for help, but gets no answer. His 
truck is there, but he's not. The ladder is lying in the yard, 
and the lights in the house are off (power failure because the 
metal latter hit the power line as it fell).
 
When Melody dies, she's already engaged to the boy in 
Eudora (son of Buzz or Chick - one of the boys who always 
used to come to the parties, and who's had a crush on Melody
all these years). Melody has explained to her mother that she's
engaged, and that the boy wants to adopt Zack as well. She plans
to stay the night with him. Clover and Zack wave goodbye. Then the
boy calls an hour later, wondering where Melody is, and Clover says 
she should be there by now. Clover hears the ambulances go by on 
15th street a bit after Melody has left. Shortly after that, 
she gets the call from M's boyfriend. She doesn't
put the two things together at first, then gets an uneasy feeling...
She hears the sirens going by in one direction, then 15 minutes 
later in the other direction. Goes and gets Ada at school, where
she's cleaning out her desk for the summer.
 
One year (when she's 12) Clover lives the school year in N.Y. with
her dad, and spends the summer in Monteverde, instead of the 
other way around. She loves Manhattan (the shopping, the apartment,
all the rest of it), and going to the primitive conditions in Costa Rica 
is a shock. This is the chapter in which her alienation from her family
and the values of the family is clearly expressed. We see Melody 
running around the forest barefoot - out all day every day, having 
adventures - and Clover indoors, creeped out by the vegetation and 
insects and mud and dirt roads and all the rest of it.
 
In the Mexico chapter: "The clouds rolled in along the bottom of 
the lowering sky."
 

Wyatt buys the groceries - Ada tends to get frozen in the aisle by the 
vast array of choices. She had more time to shop when she lived with 
Owen and didn't have a job, but now is teaching. This is one of the bones
she picks with Wyatt - he's gone so much that this sort of work falls 
on her more than she wants.


There has to be domestic friction between A. and W. 
Maybe some kind of ongoing dispute or irritation.
Even Reva tends to criticize John, though very gently.
There could be disagreement over the children, over money, 
over Wyatt's travel (maybe he spends a lot of money on it,
and more importantly too much time away).
 

The comment about Melody being a "troublesome 
girl", or at least troublesome, and Ada lacking 
the detachment to handle such a girl, should be 
kept in a text file or comment somewhere for 
re-use later.


Too many repeated gestures, like people smiling or shrugging.


Will the reader dislike the rapid series of deaths at the end - 
Wyatt, Melody, Ada?


Restore the stuff about Ada always following Melody around and correcting her. 
(From November/December. Exists in Word form, at least, because I submitted 
it for class.)


BASIC PROBLEM: Characters are introduced to interact with the main character,
and then are dropped. Examples: Kim, Ted, Gina, Dr. DiMeola, Clover's teacher,
Gary, Samuel, Pilar, Dawn, Brad. There are a lot of bit players (who recur more, 
but not enough): Buzz and Chick, Sarah, Jackie, Maria.


Chapter titles will be Ada's age (e.g., snow chapter will be "sixteen").


Kennedy assassination would come in Wyatt's last semester 
with Ada at school - his last fall semester; refer to it in passing?

When W. and A. go to the park (chapter to be combined with 
the kite flying and the discovery of Owen, who was beaten), 
the reference to them walking downhill when the plants were 
still asleep may have to go - he wouldn't quite yet have been 
her lover then
 
Cut reference to Vietnam war in chapter 3 - only advisers 
at that time; ditto for riots (use the Freedom Riders instead)
 
Make clear that Ada is questioning Wyatt because she came 
from a background where everyone agreed about certain things,
such as war, and wants to expand her view of these matters.
She wants to get other viewpoints.


At some point, Melody has to sit in Gabriel's lap, and possibly 
even flirt with him.


At some point, Ada says "I don't understand my children".


Consider getting rid of Wyatt between the time he goes back to L.A. and the time he 
writes the letter to Ada in Monteverde.


When they're in Monteverde, Wyatt makes a deal with Ada: he'll continue touring, 
which means he'll be absent from the family a lot of the time, but he won't cut any 
more albums, or sell any songs. That way, he won't be known, and family life will 
be undisturbed... He mentions this in his letter to Gabriel. But it should also be hinted 
out (though not clearly spelled out) in the chapter in Monteverde in which he and 
Ada marry, and in which they fight over his career and his absences.
 

Ada thinks that she will feel less alone and alienated when she gets to the 
U.S. Instead, she feels more so.


Ada has to talk differently from the other characters. Her diction has to 
be a bit more elevated.


At some point when Gabriel asks why Clover rarely saw or talked to Melody,
though they were living near each other, she says, "You know her, she was 
rejecting the family."


I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, and the wind is at my back.


See the e-mails from Dr. Jim Reynolds, in early July, in the "Writing" folder 
of my mailbox, for details about the 1976 quake.


See bookmarked URLs for info., e.g.:
	http://adamjones.freeservers.com/nica2.htm


Wyatt calls Ada "Lina", short for "Thumbelina"


 
Write inner-life biographies of every character before writing 
the next draft.
 
Look for themes and threads that will tie the chapters together
and provide continuity of tone, attitude, and characterization
 
There has to be some competition between the kids in the family.
 
Ada would be more interesting if she got angry more often.
 
The family could have a dog (got it for the children, but 
Wyatt the one who gives it the most attention). 
When M. comes home, dog recognizes her, and puts chin 
on her knee and whines (like Billy B. did to Mary Ann).
 
Problems between G. and Julia can best be explained by 
their having a vacation from each other when she thinks she 
needs to try out other men - has always been with Gabe, 
and doesn't know that he's the one. So they split up, and 
she's too timid and dates a little but doesn't do much with 
her new freedom. On the other hand, Gabe gets involved 
with the female singer in his band (requires major editing),
and then gets back together with J. But it leaves hard feelings - 
she blames him. In the meantime, she's still insecure because 
the female singer is still in the band. However, this problem 
goes away when Gabriel starts singing Wyatt's songs - 
the female singer has little to do because these are the most
popular songs, and so quits the band.
AHA! Can combine this with the time he lives at home with 
Ada - that's the time Julia wants to try dating other men.
 

Look for old parts that have been cut and could be restored. 
Look even in the original handwritten journals.


Gabriel's dynamic with Julia: he patiently tries to bring her 
along, finally gives up, goes ahead himself, and she eventually 
knuckles under and follows along

Gabriel when young is constantly bringing home animals and snakes.
His mother remarks that he's just like Henry.

Change song "Weightless" to "Thumbelina". Would be nice to have 
Gabriel reveal to him mother (when he's playing it for her) that 
she inspired the song, but I don't think this would work, esp. 
if Wyatt's pet name for her is "Lina".


 
The second half of the book, with the family, has to emphasize the machinations.
(See Whitney's comments on the chapter in which Clover talks about her mother.)
There has to be a three-cornered tug-of-war among the children.
There also has to be a two-cornered struggle between the parents and the kids.
And there has to be a two-cornered struggle between Ada and Wyatt.
 
Maria has to be written out after the children are old enough.
Make clear that she marries the Mexican man and moves to Sonora 
(or possibly Chiapas) with him.
 
Gabriel finds a snake in the schoolyard and puts it in a briefcase 
belonging to a friend of his, in the closet at the back of the classroom;
it disappears (leaves, and no one notices), and is found later in the 
hall by an administrator. (Like what happened with me at St. Peter's.)